Getting Out

Yesterday was a perfectly normal day. I went to grab a quick lunch with my friend and hung out at this cute little cafe in a pretty secluded area in Seminyak. Nothing was special, we just had a little chit-chat, I was still enjoying some last moments of my little big break in my hometown before heading back to Jogja to finish what should be finished. 

In the night, while I was waiting for my boyfriend to finish his shift, an unexpected text came from my old friend from high school offering me not just one, but two jobs in the capital that she thought would be suitable for me. I was very excited until she said that I have to be at least passed my thesis defense to apply for those jobs. Sigh. She asked me to let her know by the time I've finished my thesis defense, I can only hope that those offers will still stand *fingers crossed really tight*. 

That chat with her actually made me realize that I almost forget the one thing I have always want and should do, getting out of my comfort zone. I couldn't believe that I almost give in to my laziness, to my fear, and to my childish self to even consider going back to hometown after graduation and just settle for a job that is decent enough if I fail to score a high-paid job in the capital, as my first choice. I even blame the worst traffic in the capital as a justification to look for job elsewhere, preferably in hometown so I don't have to pay my own rent and take lousy public transportation. It actually doesn't have anything to do with the traffic, to be honest it's actually me being all spoiled and scared to get out of my comfort zone. I almost surrender before the war even begin. 

Another thing that makes me almost take a step that I would regret for the rest of my life is the fact that I feel a little bit intimidated with the capital. I've been having quite low self-esteem recently because of my latest failure on my quest of finding my dream job. Later on that night I discussed this with my boyfriend on our routine Skype session. About those job offers, how I feel that I'm not good enough for those jobs, how I would be fail again if I apply, and about how he will do good if he would go home and grab those opportunities. And then he did the one thing that he always does to me, thing that he's really good at, one of the gazillion reasons why I love him so much, he encouraged me in a way that I'm sure no one can. He's freakishly good at this stuff, I'm so grateful to have him as my partner yet so ashamed that the only thing I can do is to complain to him about how incapable I am, after one failed interview and before actually trying harder.

Remember on this post, I said that I don't need particular resolution for this year. I was wrong. I need one, and thankfully I realized this before it's too late and all I can do is to cry over the spilled milk that I chose convenience over my long life dreams. I only need this one resolution and really stick to it and make it happen. I'm getting out this comfort zone.

(PS: The place I visited yesterday named The Straw Hut and it was lovely. Have a visit :))