I remember my younger self used to say that I really want to grow up as soon as possible, because I used to look up to some adults and it looked like they can do many stuffs, any stuffs. You know like spending their own money to buy things they like, driving their own car, go to any place by themselves, no curfew, etc, stuff like that. Little did I know, I only saw the fun part, or what seemed to be fun.
But now, when I'm on the verge of entering the adulthood, all of a sudden I'm being all scared and nervous because the closer I am to being an independent adult the more I know that those-seemingly-to-be-fun parts are not that fun and also come with another part which are not fun at all.
I am currently on my very last semester in my university, thesis is the only thing left, and it's also almost done. I used to be very excited to graduate as soon as possible but now all I do is delaying everything. I could have meet my thesis supervisor earlier before she left for her conference in Texas and then I could have submit my thesis earlier and signing up for the thesis defense and final exam earlier too but I didn't do that. It's not the thesis defense or final exam that I fear the most actually, it's what's next.
What's next after graduation? Will I get the job I want and soon? Where will I end up? Can I do that? What if I have to stay unemployed for too long? Can I finance myself? And many other fears that making me all nervous and scared to take the last step of this journey.
It has to end some time, I know and I also know all to well that everything has its timing, that's what I and my boyfriend keep telling to myself. I just wish I could shake this fears soon so I can start taking the last step of this journey and begin a new one, which I believe would be more challenging.
Do you have fears too?
(PS: The good thing is boyfriend said he will be home soon ;))
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